Sexual Detox: Recommended Resources
Having wrapped up the Sexual Detox series, I thought it would be useful to provide a list of recommended resources for those who wish to do reading on a particular topic.
Pretty much every author who has written more than, say, ten books has written one on the Lord’s Prayer and one on either sex or marriage (or perhaps both). It seems to be some kind of rite of passage. I assume I’ll get a memo about it after I’ve written a few more books. So if you have a favorite author, you may want to check if he or she has written on the topic. Meanwhile, here are some other suggestions. I am relying mostly on books I have read, so the list is somewhat smaller than it would otherwise be.
First off, let me give special mention to the series of mini books published by New Growth Press on behalf of CCEF. Many of their titles are very relevant to this series. For example:
It’s All About Me: The Problem with Masturbation,
Sex Before Marriage: How Far is Too Far?,
Single and Lonely: Finding the Intimacy You Desire,
Help! My Spouse Committed Adultery: First Steps for Dealing with Betrayal, or Renewing Marital Intimacy: Closing the Gap Between You and Your Spouse.
You can learn more about the series from New Growth Press. They are all available through Amazon.
Sex Undefiled - Harry Schaumburg writes about finding redemption from sexual sin and seeks to help couples find restoration for breaking or broken relationships.
False Intimacy - Also by Harry Schaumburg, this book looks to the struggle of sexual addiction, including homosexuality, cybersex and so on.
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ - This book, edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor, is the product of a Desiring God conference so is a compendium of conference talks and other useful essays or articles. It is a bit of a grab bag but there is lots of good stuff.
Intended for Pleasure - This is a nuts and bolts kind of book that is often given to newlyweds to help them get “oriented” in the bedroom. Most couples who aren’t given one before they get married end up trying to track one down during their honeymoon.
Sexual Redemption Bundle - Monergism Books has bundled a whole lot of resources into one “sexual redemption bundle” based around Harry Schaumburg’s Undefiled.
Marriage
This Momentary Marriage - John Piper puts a lot of effort into writing about the link between the union of husband and wife and the union of Christ to his church.
When Sinners Say ‘I Do’ - Dave Harvey’s book is a really good one for the newly married as it deals honestly with the inevitability of sin.
The Intimate Marriage - R.C. Sproul focuses on communication as key to a great marriage. His chapter on Communication and Sex deals with unusual topics like frigidity, impotence and what is permissible within marriage.
Mere Christianity - C.S. Lewis has only a couple of chapters dealing with sex and marriage but they are top-notch. You’ve probably got the book somewhere, so pull it out and read those chapters.
A Biblical Guide to Love, Sex and Marriage - Derek and Rosemary Thomas wrote this book on sex and marriage based on Song of Solomon.
Love that Lasts - Gary and Betsy Ricucci cover a wide range of marriage-related topics in this book, one of the better ones I’ve read on marriage.
Men, Sex Is Not the Problem, Lust Is - This book, by Josh Harris, is great reading for any man, married or single. I’ve read it on my own and read it as part of a men’s group. In both cases it was well worth it.
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God - C.J. Mahaney does a good job of challenging men to be godly husbands. The enduring wisdom here is never to touch your wife’s body until you’ve touched her heart and her mind.
Women Feminine Appeal - Carolyn Mahaney writes a book for women in which she challenges them on a host of issues related to love, sex and marriage.
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams - I haven’t done more than skimmed this one, but this one by Sharon Jaynes comes highly recommended by Aileen. I found Jaynes particularly strong in her description of how men perceive sex and its importance to them.
Web Sites
CCEF - Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation offers counseling and excellent resources on any number of issues (including the New Growth Press titles mentioned earlier).
Boundless - Targeted at Christian singles and young adults, Boundless features all kinds of great resources in their blog and webzine.
Stone Gate Resources - At Stone Gate Resources offers Brief Intensive Counseling for couples who are in need of intensive and immediate help. If your marriage is on the rocks due to sex-related issues, this is a good place to seek help.
Source:
Sexual Detox: Recommended Resources Tim Challies
Comments (10) »
1. Devin
October 31, 2009
10:20 AM
So glad “Every Man’s Battle” is not on the list. That book was entirely unhelpful for me.
2. Nick Hill
October 31, 2009
10:34 AM
Tim,
Did you read Pure Sex by Philiip Jensen and Tony Payne (Matthias Media)? Was it helpful? I thought that I would see it on the list.
Nick
3. Anonymous
October 31, 2009
10:39 AM
Tim, I know it’s been said before - but thank you for writing this series. It is providentially timely. I saw and investigated an original ad for Undefiled on your blog site. I have been very impressed with Stone Gate Resources. These articles of yours and finding out about Stone Gate have felt like they are intended as God’s provision for my ex-fiance and me as we struggle to rebuild a relationship that has been deeply impacted by the fall-out of these patterns of sin; established in a pre-redeemed life - and still bearing “fruit.”
I have passed the articles on to my ex-fiance and talked much about the hope for restoration/obedience from an intensive Bible-centered program like Stone Gates. There has been resistance to recognizing the depth of the problem, and continuing denial of the extent of the taint and damage, and the need for more than just “God and me” to break the bondage and bring real change. I have struggled with feeling hopeless and helpless to do anything more to break the legacy of pain and death. I have presented. “All” I can do now is pray that the Holy Spirit will work mightily - recognizing that He desires obedience in this area more than I ever can - and promises to “will and to do for His good pleasure.”
4. Brother Eugene
October 31, 2009
11:33 AM
Great list of resources!
One more just came to mind that I wanted to share:
In “The Four Loves” by C.S. Lewis, the chapter about the love of “eros” is also a helpful one regarding sex and marriage.
5. Bob
October 31, 2009
1:09 PM
Another great book on marriage is “Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. The message that marriage is not so much about our happiness as it is about our holiness is one that our culture needs to hear.
6. Ricky
October 31, 2009
6:08 PM
This was a great, thought-provoking, and helpful series. I really needed this, so thanks!
I just wanted to add that a few of the Piper books you recommend (including the ones listed in the Sexual Redemption Bundle) are available for free PDF download from his website, www.desiringgod.org, on the http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/ page. You’ll find “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ”, “Finally Alive”, “This Momentary Marriage”, “What Jesus Demands from the World”, and “What’s the Difference?” available.
Of course, nothing beats actual paper. :P
7. Jerry Sinclair, Marriage Missionary for Faithful & True of Jacksonville, FL USA
October 31, 2009
9:47 PM
Tim,
I came across your website & I am very impressed with your credentials & desire to speak the truth. Allow me to do the same in love after I quote you:
“…And yet today I can say that pornography does not interest me in the least. God delivered me from the desire to indulge. I can understand your struggles and also assure you that it is possible to find freedom.”
Tim, I am aware of the struggle of lust & I relate to the writings of the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15ff. My 15 years of recovery was not an easy journey. I cringe slightly from the subject of “being delivered”. I relate the verbage to certain religious groups that want to “name it, claim it” or “Proclaim victory now in the name of Jesus Christ”. The men I work with ‘know’ for sure that they are never imune from temptation. They live one day at a time.
The few that have departed our program because they no longer had a problem were not able to explain why their wife was still filing for divorce… OR not shared their sinful behavior with parents, siblings or age appropiate children.
Our Christ-centered support groups challenge men to live a life of purity while examining other sinful defects of character. Thus, this can be a lifelong journey towards purity. We follow Scripture along the way & use a workbook written by dr. Mark Laaser. He & his wife have written several books about sexual addiction, recovery, spouse recovery, spritual abuse, etc. I encourage you & others to visit his website www.faithfulandtrueministries.com
8. Anonymous
November 1, 2009
12:11 AM
As a student in the MS in counseling program at PBU, I have had to read a lot of books on marriage and sex, a few good ones:
-Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, brings the focus back to God after disillusionment with marriage… it is a very good book, particularily if the couple is having problems in their marriage.
- Hold Me Tight, seven conversations for a lifetime of love: not a christian book, but a really good book that teaches couples how to have good conversations
- I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography by Clay Crosse- this is a book written by a famous christian musician about the struggle of pornography in his own marriage.
9. Philip
November 1, 2009
1:10 AM
My wife and I separated in the spring of 2008, with divorce likely. I attended Stone Gate BIC (Brief Intensive Counseling),and God used Dr. Schaumburg and Stone Gate mightily in my life as God worked to change me from the heart out. After over a year of separation, we are together again, and I think it is safe to say that no one who knew our situation would have believed it possible for true reconciliation to happen. I would highly, highly recommend it for any couple devastated by the consequences of sexual sin to consider Stone Gate BIC, as well as his book “Undefiled” and the corresponding workbook .
10. Brian
November 1, 2009
5:13 AM
Tim:
Great series; thank you.
May I recommend a biblical counseling website that is perfect for anyone struggling with sexual sin? http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com is an outstanding resource based on nouthetic counseling and biblical solutions, not worldy psychology. I have mentored with them and they are solid.
